You are one among them : )

Saturday, April 07, 2007

The intimacy in few relations are shortlived???


Couple of things kept me busy for a while and here am with a very nice template given by Badri and an inquisitive post.

There are so many people we happen to meet in our life. Among which only with quite few we establish friendship and not all friends make a profound impact in our lives. Friendship is the only word which can be used to define a relation between a 19 year old and 90 year old. There might be a very good friend with whom we share everything that happens around us and as days pass by each of us might get busy with the new phase of life or get busy with the mechanical life. Then the closeness in the relation slowly reduces. Of course we don’t forget the person who was very close to us at some point in life but still we feel something is missing. We still might be in contact with that friend but the voidness in the intimacy would be felt easily.

At every stage of our life, there must be someone very close or someone whom we really liked much. As soon as we think of the days in school, in college or in a particular house or in a street or in an office there must be some one flashing in our mind who was exceptionally close than the rest of the others. I just happened to see a photo of me and one of my friend who was very close to me few years back. Her grandfather had professional contact with dad and then we happened to be more of family friends. She used to stay with us in our house and we have had all kind of pranks and plays and talks. There was nothing that we failed to do together. Now their place is far from ours though we are still in contact. But still the intimacy which we had that time is missing. The situation is worse if there are best friends among which the genders are opposite. And one gets committed to work or to another person in life and again the intimacy is lost. I was just wondering in few relations if the intimacy is very short lived or it appears that way. But I just learnt that never fail to express that you feel great, comfortable with that person at that point of time. Practically speaking being close with all the friends from our childhood is not possible. Express that their presence in your life is valued with your words or a warm hug would speak more than any number of words. At least you can be happy that you made some one feel great about oneself.

Expressing that you are happy because of some one is a great open secret but very rarely we realize and make use of it. May it be between friends or between a student and a teacher or between mom and kid or between husband and wife or in any relation, express their presence in your life is valued and it can never be replaced we will happen to see enigmatic happiness in oneself and in others life as well.

91 comments:

My days(Gops) said...

1st

pudhu template
pudhu post

gops thaan first

aiyaaaaaaaa...

Adiya said...

ya there are two aspects to it. one is sentimental face what u explained correctly and the ther is management face. any body should manage thier circle quite strongly. grt8 people will have big friendhship with good communication. to re-validate, establish friendship again n again in busy life is tuff but there are lot of supplimentary stragethies th u can follow up.. :)

so keep architecting ur life. weave ur friendship band with good solos.

Ganesh Ranganathan said...

No relation is permanent in the world...no two friends can maintain their closeness for an indefinite amount of time, it does get lesser with the pressures of everyday life where sometimes people become too busy to give proper time for each other...

Shiv said...

aaha..enna nadakkuthu blog ulagathila...all posts turn to relationships!!

chk out my blog

http://hearitfromshiv.blogspot.com/2007/04/gift-for-maya.html

adding ur link there!!

Badri said...

Another serious post from u !

Contented said...

Nice post!

Actually Its in human nature to be loved by other human being. How does that happen at different stages of one's life is very subjective though.

What is important is how one makes the other feel. Its actions that makes more impact than just words at times.

But I sometime find its very complex to express what one feel about other though!!

Sudharshan said...

veyyil kaalathla jillunu oru template.. very nice!

intimacy is like a winding road along the coast.. sometimes running along the beach.. sometimes going inland, coming back to the beach again.. but it does run till lands end, thats whats important..

Harish said...

Wow....so heartfelt and perfect. As in the Airtel ad they say "Express yourself". As you said...distance does play a part in undermining a relationship. Add hectic work life, new friends and lazyness....the distance is not just physical but emotional as well.
But...its still upto the individual. As long as they wanna stay close ad they have the resources....it is very much possible.

Known Stranger said...

sensible post on relationships. oflate getting impressed with your language style and expression. Intimacy - hmmmm in friendship hmmm... something I cant comprehend in life time to comment. Nice post and thanks for inviting me.

itsraghz said...

hi ponnarasi,

good and cool template.. congrats!

of course a very good, sensitive and subjective topic for the post..

You are right in almost all the paragraphs.. but as Ganesh Ranganathan said, its true and it purely depends on the ppl and the duration of attachment which is being remembered and refreshed according to the present situation/environment ....

keep going..
Best Wishes...

amthere4u said...

Day by day u r making every1 (especially me) go crazy abt u and ur writings. Its hypnotizing.. its like i sit jus infront of u and listen 2 u talking talkin talking.creates tht impression..keep writing! i am jus flattered

Ra.Ge said...

Hey,

Thanks for dropping by!

Great post. You have a very popular blog and a very beautiful template! Keep up the good work.

Ranjhith said...

Friendship sustains only because of need. When there is no necessity, theres no Friend. This is the real meaning of the quote, "A Friend in a need is a Friend indeed!" Everything else that you can think of, is just isn't real. :)

Coming to intimacy; it reduces because the opportunity to express it reduces. Thats all. Take your childhood friend, being a neighbor, a classmate, a busmate, a playmate, a tutionmate, a studymate, a co-dancer,... - who is a part of your everyday life - the closeness never drops. But once she/he moves out, or something engages her more than you, it all happens. :)

இந்த புது பொண்டாடி/புருசன் case study தெரியுங்கல்ல! :) Its one & the same.

Ranjhith said...

Then forgot to add this:
The template is as usual displeasing! :D

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Gops
Hahaha.... Epdi iruku template?

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Adiya
Yeah well said.. Have 2 pass thru the 1st face 2 execute the 2nd effectively..

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Ganesh
Rite..Tough truth 2 digest!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Shiv
Yeah commented Shiv! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Badri
Yeah!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Contented

//What is important is how one makes the other feel. Its actions that makes more impact than just words at times.//

Well said! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Sudharshan

Hm..Kind of complex 2 understand!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Harish
True! Every1 involved in that relation should feel the same about extending the relationship!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Known stranger
Thanku for dropping by and for the compliments 2 :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Itsraghz
Thanku! :) I liked the template 2 :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Amthere4u
U r taking effort 2 comment..Y dont u do tht with ur identity?

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ RA.GE
Thanku! :) Welcome here!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Ranjhith
I really wonder how wrongly u cud understand the sayings.. :( Am sorry 2 say tht...

And thanks a lot tht u didnt like the template...Hahahahehehehohoho :P

kanniya said...

the NEW skin is soo good that its kinda annoyin .... and dull ....

The Talkative Man said...

too much thathuvams....just went over the head. But yeah, great template, ippidi oru table-cloth illa curtain kedacha nalla irukkum :-)

The Talkative Man said...

why not give matching blue color to post-font instead of changing to violet, black etc? :)

Neo said...

Hi PK, both the layout as well as the blog is impressive. I do have felt the same way, i mean there have been close friends for me also at each stage who have vanished or the distance had build up. With few i still try to figure out the reason n dont get it. Even now i make it a point to send bday mails or wish them, i feel excited when i meet them after long time. But i dont think they feel the same. Anyways i made it a point not to expect but keep doing whatever i do. Good to know that there are people similar :)

Padmapriya said...

hi Ponnarasi,
Very well said about Expressing oneself.

but, I dont agree to //"Then the closeness in the relation slowly reduces"//
its all upto the persons.

one will find one or the other way to get in touch with whom he/she wants to be in touch with (for sure)

-Priya

Raghs said...

hi pons,

you have been tagged. for details pls check,

http://blogsofraghs.blogspot.com/2007/04/naanum-oru-thinusu-thaanga.html

No Escape ;-)

Raghs said...

@neo,

you are right .. especially the way you have expressed the feelings about your excitement but when its not the same with others for whom you felt..

as usual, there is one good answer to these questions, IT DEPENDS [upon {ppl,time,duration,intimacy,priority}].

Aint i?

Chennai said...

1. Kudos to the new template
2. Kuttu for not posting for long time.
3. Shottu for taking sensitive points and handling it intelligently.

As per your words, " your presence in my life is valued and it can never be replaced" :D.

NaiKutti said...

hey PK... good to see that u r keeping up the blogging enthu...

"Bytheway jus wonderign if u r 2 busy 2 get back 2 comments :)

https://www2.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=16151870&postID=3318040263218272758 "

not been blogging very often except for the occasional travelogues and hence not replying to comments as often and vigorously as u do :)...

"I rembr u posting abt it last year.. This is ur 2nd visit??? "

no, this was my first one to hampi...

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Kanniya
:( Thanku! :(

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Talkative man
Thanku if thts complimentary! :(

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Neo

Yeah but its tough 2 b tht way.. Arivu sonalum manasu kekkuma? Not 2 expect?

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Padmapriya
Welcome here :)

Yeah if both the persons are interested on extending the relation! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Raghs
Yeah my pleasure! Tag ilama irukavey mudiyathu :P already one pending atha mudichitu ithuku varen ...okieSS?

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Chennai

Hahaha...thanku! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Naikutti
Welcome here! :) And thanku for the nice words :)
Abt 1st time visit..I have a bad memory :D

Jagadesh said...

you have organised your thoughts very clearly,Impressive work.

My days(Gops) said...

unga template ..

topu takker....

white with blue always goes nice na.....

My days(Gops) said...

post'ku comment dummarow..

konjam aani's

Raghs said...

pons,

thats fine.. awaiting your contribution.. he he he..

Syam said...

oru valiyaa railway station and ticket ah vittu vandhuteenga pola irukku :-)

Syam said...

//At every stage of our life, there must be someone very close or someone whom we really liked much//

I agree...at the same time sometimes we have to be with someone all the time who we don't like...ithu ellaam arasial vaalkaila saathaaranam :-)

Syam said...

template looks cool :-)

Syam said...

I am the half century :-)

Karthika said...

Another great post from you. Way to go!!! If you want to be in touch with your closest buddies, am sure no matter how much work you have or how far you live, you will still find a way to share your happiness and sorrows or infact ur stupidity, after all who else can understand you better than your buddies. Some of my closest buddies live in India, we make it a point to mail to each other or just call each other to catch up with the stories at each end.

There are times when there's so much of work pressure and then an IM or mail which is as simple as "Hi how are u doing" from your closest buddy brings in a smile and makes your day. I think it just depends on each person.

My days(Gops) said...

only comment...

"In a friend you find a second self."

u cannot loose a true friend/whatsoevr, whn they r so mean to u .......... :)

Vidya said...

Very nice post ! I am now moving on to a different company now and almost everybody at work tell me that they will keep in touch blah blah !! It will boil down to one or two who will REALLY do that ! So it is not just the physical but also the emotional willingness to reach out to someone !

I like your style of writing !

Vidya

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Jagadesh
Thanku! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Gops
Thanku for the compliment abt template :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Raghs
Yeap figuring how 2 fullfill ur request- Tamil writing :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Syam
Ya u r rite :) Ithu enaku thonavey illa.. Pudikathavanga koodayum irukathaney seyanum :) Very true :)

And thanku for the compliments in template
Thanku for making half century! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Karthika
Nice 2 know tht u and ur buddies still are in good contact! :)

And yeah it depends on the individuals as well!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Gops
Yeah when they mean so much we cannot afford 2 miss!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Vidya
Thanks a lot for the nice words :) You made my day! :D

And leaving another work place...Hm..U r rite.. Many give words but only few follow ;) And All the best! Wish tings go well in the new place as well.. :)

Rose said...

Got this as a forward some time ago..

"People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The
prayer you sent has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant...

..Me

barbi said...

heh nice tempalte, but i would like to see more in the sidebar.

btw, the map in the last post was truly enjoyable.

first time visitor here!! nice!

Padmapriya said...

Iniya thamizh puthaandu vaazhthukkal!!!

The Devil said...

hey, first abt the template, it is really gud :)
Glad to c tht it has some gud colors n so many blank spaces which makes it look like readable :)

The Devil said...

Makkal sila samayam bayapadraanga ponna, yaenna, they think tht the other ones might get hurt if they tell somethin r feel bad abt them...first indha shedding of inhibitions maranum

The Devil said...

ppl shud never forget to smile (not laugh)...even a small smile wud let ppl knw tht hes feelin gud abt the other person, mathapadi if u r really loving their presence no problem in letting them know :)

The Devil said...

innoru vishayam expectations...even some gr8 friends when they r poles apart think tht 'let the other person contact me first'..adhuvum poganum n they shud b doin justice to their gr8 friends

The Devil said...

n finally a very thoughtful post indeed :)

The Devil said...

n belated puthandu nalvaazhthukkal wishes ponna :)

Bunky Jumping Pundit said...

hey,

i loved this post... i wanna add a new spice and bring a different flavor... have you ever thought abt male/female friendship... it lasts only until u/she gets married.. after which priorities change...

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Rose
Nice fwd! :) Welcome here!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Barbi
Welcome! :)

And side bar wt wud u like 2 c? :-/

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Padmapriya
Nanri! :) Puthandu vazhthugal..Late'a solren! :D

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ The Devil
:) Thanku. Am glad tht u liked the template.

//.first indha shedding of inhibitions maranum//

Well said!

And yeah let the other person reach us'nu thonitaley kastam than! :)

Thanku for the wishes :D
Naanum late'a wishren! Hehehe.. Puthandu Vazhthugal!

Thanku for dropping by as well.

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Bunky Jumping pundit

Wow.. Good 2 c u here after a long time!

I have refered 2 that in a subtle note :D as below.

//The situation is worse if there are best friends among which the genders are opposite. And one gets committed to work or to another person in life and again the intimacy is lost.//

And yeah u r rite.. After being committed its nt tht easy 2 find the good old friend :(

Raghs said...

pls if u have time have a look at this..

http://iyandra-alavu-udhavalaamae.blogspot.com/2007/04/help-4-yr-old-boy-santhosh.html

and try to forward this to ur friends..
to save a 4 yr old boy Santhosh.

Thanks,
Raghavan.

rajkingme said...

Sorry to say this. Vasool raja mbbs, katipudi vaidhyam madhiri irunthathu..As you said i too Really miss my friend after my school.... Going to miss friends after college.. MM life goes on and on.....

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Raghs
Yeap will try 2 b of some help

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Raj

Aaaha ;) Naa inga apdi vaithiyam ethum solalaye.. Noi than soliruken.. Marunthu enakey theriyala :D

Vinod R Iyer said...

Just wait till you are out of college and start living your own life. You would feel this much more then. I did atleast !!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Vinod
Hahaha... Thanku for the words :P

gils said...

idey mari naan vera edathula oru post patheney..hmmm...ena nadaktuh

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Gils
Apdiya? Link podunga inga..elarum paapomey! :)

Vik said...

Oh nice new template. I failed to notice that you actually wrote again ! Tat was a serious write up but so true to believe that coz one too many times that happens around us.

keep writing and take it easy

Known Stranger said...

The major reason for our inability to hold on any relationship after a few ruffling is we are not receptive to others. When one is insecure in the relation, we fail to reassure them that we are still there for them. We leave them with no reassurance due to our immaturity of taking them for granted or for our selfish concerns. We want others to be receptive and wish to hear regularly from them that we are valued , cherished and given importance in their life but we fail to reciprocate. We want others to reach us at the time of our difficulty with out being asked or judged but we fail to reach to them when it is needed as well as end up judging them. Because, most of the time we walk in one way traffic lane. We want them to surrender to us but we don’t. We stop to share our emotions but expect from them .The intimate enchanting relationship gets under siege then. Everything perishes in one sided process. During the siege, our heart will be filled with the thoughts of loved one more than what our mind was filled with during the second phase of the enthralling relationship. More we dwell in their thoughts more we want to reconnect with them yet mind urges us to avoid fearing the humiliation or hurt would repeat . We would have lost the wonderful relationship because we forgot the basic rule that sharing and expressing our emotions nurture the relationship. We develop a ego and avoid each other in a false hope that it would make us stronger but deep inside we will yearn to reconnect with them but wont know how to because we are egoistic and not ready to give away. The magic spell will create opportunity to get back the intimate friendship but we would be sarcastic to worsen it further. Most of us believe once the intimate emotional feeling is developed, there is no need to spend time with each other to thrive it forever. Every plant needs regular watering; nourishment and attention to have it blossom with flowers and fruits even if it has grown as a tree. The same is true with all relationships whether it is friendship, love or any other. Regularly reassuring the care towards each other is vital in any relationship other wise it will turn to be a malnourished child and will decompose one day.



When the hurt is inflicted time doesn’t heal the wound. Silence or distancing doesn’t solve the purpose. It only aggravates the hurt and sows the seed for deceitful interactions creating an aversion over them on long run. If we win over our worthless ego and ready to forgive our selves & other, find time for each other as we did in the initial stages, talk openly venting out the entire suppressed wrath with no self justification and courage to accept the mistakes we can retrieve the earlier wonderful zealous enchanting relationship if at all we want to. If we do so, the relationship will be stronger than ever before even if we had crossed the line subtly. It is no concern as we will be looking to win back the earlier fervent friendship that existed with intimate altruistic emotional care and passionate support towards each other keeping us in high sprit & cheer bringing a positive vibes and strength in our life.



Or the wonderful zealous, enchanting, emotional friendship will be just a past memory turning the once intimate friends to known strangers.

this is a small part of the stuff you wanted me to write and post. the whole article will be posted in my blog spot. if you wan by email let me know

Ganesh said...

hey.. found ur blog!
cool :-)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Vik

//Tat was a serious write up but so true to believe that coz one too many times that happens around us.//

:) True!

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Known Stranger

//We leave them with no reassurance due to our immaturity of taking them for granted or for our selfish concerns.//

So true! :)

And thanku for taking so much effort! :)

Ponnarasi Kothandaraman said...

@ Ganesh

Hahaha..But how? :)

Marietta said...

Good for people to know.